Confessions of an educated smart ass

What I think, What I see, What pisses me off, What amuses me....Read it or don't.

Monday, July 19, 2004

I'm a giver, and that's ok...

I tried to write this entry yesterday, and couldn't quite find the right angle. I've been doing a lot of reflecting in the past 24 hours. Reliving small moments, thinking through memories, and re-examining myself. I'm a true believer in self study. I consider myself to be a constant work in progress, and the thinker in me spends a great deal of time questioning myself and my behavior in every situation. I've come to realize a few things as of late. Perhaps it's Dallas (or more specifically Addison), perhaps it's women, or more likely it's the voices of people who have been through pain....but there seems to be a societal push (and acceptance) for selfishness.
      I do understand the root of this theory. We have to protect ourselves. In the end, we are our biggest cheerleader, toughest critic, greatest source of love, and fiercest defender. I get it. The psycho-babble of today exclaims to the consumer "Love yourself!" "Take care of yourself first!!" "You are your own best friend!" and once I even heard "Take a great big swim in lake you!!" (laughed my ass off at that one).  For chrissakes, "Friends" had a whole episode dedicated to the girls reading a book about how to connect with their "inner goddess" - and the show went on to use all sorts of nature metaphors to prove it's point...hilarious and very commonplace in today's society.
     My point is - I just can't seem to get on board with this theory. 
  For those of you that know me well, will agree that this has been a tough emotional year. I found myself in the first few months of 2004 with my family in absolute turmoil. My reaction to the situation was to give of myself wholeheartedly wherever needed - sometimes at the expense of my health, my sleep, my career, or even my emotional well being. I was available for my parents as a shoulder to lean on, a punching bag, a tear wiper, a friend, a happy hour buddy, or simply another person to be with. I'm not adding these details to gain sympathy or the traditional "Oh, I'm so sorry....that sucks." I'm telling you what I did - because that's who I am and what I do. I wish I could say that my rough early months did not come at the expense of others feelings. There are some that would say I gave so much of myself to my family that I pushed them away or acted indifferently and they would be right to an extent. I can only hope to make it up to them....and I will.
    In my 27 years, I have given gifts when I couldn't afford them, called to check on people when I was shouldered with problems, said "I love you" knowing the words would not be reciprocated, offered invitations to people whose company I would not normally seek, thrown get togethers to simply boost someone's self esteem,  spent hours advising acquaintances who seemingly had no one to talk to, and crammed my schedule with events when I knew there was more pressing career work to be done. And I've never regretted one moment of any of it. Here's a brief glimpse of the fruits of my giving. Kind words and wonderful moments from my friends and family.
    "Hey honey!! I"ve missed you so much! My God you look beautiful!"
     "Stephy - are you ok?? You looked kind of stresed out there."
     " ...Because I think you're awesome. Smart and a pain in the ass - but awesome."
     "I want you here. Working here with me. You have the heart and the strength."
     "Because you're stronger and more giving than she is. A better person if you ask me."
     "Don't ever stop being a teacher, because you're a great one, and I'm lucky you were mine."    
      "I respect your opinion on so many things. What do you think?"
      "You are fabulous!"
     "Thank you so much for helping me with this party!! You went above and beyond."
      "I'm lucky to have you in my life."
      " You are good. My heart tells me that - and I can see the wife and mother that you will someday be."
     "Thank you for caring and trying. I always enjoy talking to you."
     "You are so considerate. I've never known anyone to be as considerate as you."
     "I have found a treasure - your friendship."
     "I couldn't have done it without your support."
 
Kids, this is the stuff life is made of. I am lucky, I am blessed, and I'm a giver. Cheers!!

7 Comments:

At September 13, 2004 at 12:54 PM, Blogger Mikol said...

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All statements made are our express opinion only and should be treated as such. We may own, take position and sell any securities mentioned at any time. Any statements that express or involve discussions with respect to predictions, goals, expectations, beliefs, plans, projections, objectives, assumptions or future events or performance are not statements of historical fact and may be "forward looking statements." Forward looking statements are based on expectations, estimates and projections at the time the statements are made that involve a number of risks and uncertainties which could cause actual results or events to differ materially from those presently anticipated. This profile is in no way affiliated with the featured company. We were compensated one thousand dollars from third party (IR Marketing) to distribute this report. Forward looking statements in this action may be identified through the use of words such as: "projects", "foresee", "expects". in compliance with Section 17(b), we disclose the holding of FGS shares prior to the publication of this report. Be aware of an inherent conflict of interest resulting from such holdings due to our intent to profit from the liquidation of these shares. Shares may be sold at any time, even after positive statements have been made regarding the above company. Since we own shares, there is an inherent conflict of interest in our statements and opinions. Readers of this publication are cautioned not to place undue reliance on forward-looking statements, which are based on certain assumptions and expectations involving various risks and uncertainties that could cause results to differ materially from those set forth in the forward- looking statements. This is not solicitation to buy or sell stocks, this text is for informational purpose only and you should seek professional advice from registered financial advisor before you do anything related with buying or selling stocks, penny stocks are very high risk and you can lose your entire investment.

 
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